LEARNER -NOT ENOUGH TIME

I'm feeling very anxious today. Not about the usual things, like money or work, but about time. Not enough time. Not enough organization. No list was made. Wait, I don't make lists! If I do, I forget it after it's been written.

I need to finish the study/blog I'm reading and writing. Then, there's a new online bible study starting today that I want to do. Then, there's the 8-week online course I'm four weeks into. After that, I'm writing a memoir about my first-year substitute teaching last year. Finally, I started this little thing today! These are all ongoing projects!

Then there are several books I've started and would love to finish someday!!

Too many distractions! Things I want to finish, things I want to start. Things I want to do well!

NOT ENOUGH TIME!!

It's the "Learner" in me! (finding joy in the process of learning.)

The official Gallup definition of "Learner" is someone who has a great desire to learn and wants to continuously improve. They are often more excited about the learning process rather than the outcome.

If you aren't familiar with Gallup Strengths-Finder, you might not understand what I mean by any of these words. That's alright. Hopefully, you'll have a little understanding by the end of the page.

Learning has always been an obsession for me. I didn't realize how much until I started the journey of discovering my strengths. It lies at #3, behind "Input"(Collecting all kinds of things) at #2. I also have "Ideation" #5 (Fascinated by ideas; finding connections between everything). All three of these are Strategic Thinking strengths. The "all up in your head" strengths. Getting up into my head is pretty easy for me!

When my ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce, I dove into a bible study to help me understand my feelings. Then I read a book called "Breathing Under Water." It was a biblical breakdown of the 12-Step program. After reading that book, I understood why my ex had trouble moving past forgiveness. I shared what I'd learned, but it was too late for us.

I used "Learner" to deal with the stress of the situation.

I love my "Learner" strength. I know more than I should about so many different things. I use it to connect all things great and small in my life. "Connectedness" (everything happens for a reason; all things are connected) is my #1 strength. Everything I learn gets tied to how I can relate myself, my thoughts, and my ideas to you and everyone else I know.

"Learner" is an incredible strength, but I needed to give it boundaries. It can get me in over my head sometimes. That's what was happening this morning. The FOMO(Fear of Missing Out) had me in its vice grip!

Since studying my strengths, I've learned to say NO to starting every exciting course or program. Every new bible study. Every new book to buy.

I've made a list to put the course, program, or study to consider later. I've made an Amazon list of those books I want to read. I've figured out how to say no and yes to the right things. Because of this, I've saved tons of money!!

Today, I was caught off guard by the firestorm in my head. I needed to quiet all the noise. All the demands. I needed to say no. This one little strength had thrown me off the balcony into the basement! I needed a mental step back.

By saying no, I found I could create some space where I could find peace. Stop demanding of myself what I couldn't give. Letting the overwhelming thoughts leave me.

I grabbed one of my favorite essential oil blends. I rolled it on my wrists and on my neck. I let the aroma fill my nostrils and closed my eyes. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to fill me and push out all the chaos in my head. I visualized pulling up a chair and sitting down. I began to focus my thoughts on the Lord.

Getting out of my small and into His expansive!

I pulled out my pencil and began writing. I let what I was feeling out onto the page. Letting my thoughts free flow. Immediately, I began to see how my "Learner" strength was hijacking everything around me.

I was trying to pull myself out of something! What was it?

Feeling like I didn't know enough to go where I wanted to go?

Was I trying to learn my way out? Can that even be done?

As I let my pencil fly across the page, words materialized. Then, I started forming questions that I needed to ask myself

"Where do I want to go?"

This was the first one to emerge. All the expectations I've put upon myself created the questions I asked and now had to answer.

"Who did I want to be?"

The barber, singer, substitute, or writer? Could I be just one of those things? A successful hairstylist or sought-after substitute teacher? A sensational essential oil specialist that wrote a best-selling book? Just, just, just!

I had learned to do all those things over the years. But, a lifetime of letting "Learner" run the show had led me to learn so many things! And, when I look at all my strengths, it's obvious I will use everything I know somehow!

But today, "Learner" was being obnoxious!

Today, I took back control. First, I used all the tools I've acquired over the years to recenter my mind and allow the Lord to calm my anxiety. Then, I used other strengths to get that potent one under control. Finally, I slowly began to regain control of my wayward child. I then could use this strength as it needed to be used.

Because of this episode today, I could write down my experience and share it with you!

I hope I have hit a nerve with you, the reader. I hope you see so many ways to reign in those overwhelming feelings. The first step to understanding is often found in letting go. First, let go of previous expectations you might have placed on yourself. Secondly, knowing enough about your strengths so you can pinpoint the problem. Only then can you identify what is truly happening. Then you can get out of that negative space dragging you down.

If you need someone to help you discover your strengths and how they play in your life, I'd love to have a conversation with you!!