WHAT DO I HAVE TO OFFER?

Several years ago, I sat in a church service on a Sunday, visiting and trying out a new place to land. As usual, I am alone, sitting among all types of families there to celebrate their faith and their mothers. A young lady I’ve known since she was 16 was the speaker that day. She’s now in her early 30’s. I hadn’t seen her in quite a while but wasn’t surprised to hear the wisdom that escaped her mouth.

In those moments, as she spoke, I realized that I was childless, and for the first time motherless, on a day that celebrates our mothers. I’ve come to terms with my childlessness, but the idea that I no longer had my biggest champion, my mom, here on this earth was like a knife to the heart. The previous year has been one of many firsts without her, but the impact of the duality of my existence makes me feel so lonely, more lonely than I’ve ever felt before.

I am only as lonely as I am, and I’ve allowed myself a lot of loneliness lately. On the flight, fight, and freeze scale, I’ve been hanging out in the freeze. I don’t tend to run, although I always think about it! I’m too tired to fight, so I’ve let the freeze come upon me. It’s been a slow freeze. The kind in which all your systems shut down, and before you know it, you’re gone, living like a dead man.

Back to that Sunday. The word I heard, and received, was so accurate. It changed my filter and helped identify the problem I had been having with my current existence; what is left for me, and how do I find it? The fix wasn’t anything I didn’t already know. I just needed to be reminded who I was and whose I am. One can look down, drive for a minute, and drift off the road. Imagine if you did that for 1, 2, or 3 years. Where would you be!?

But I know the God of the universe can pick me up and set me back on the road. He chose me for my path, even if I looked away from the intended goal. I do have a purpose, and it’s to share who I am and what I know. I have people to touch, individuals to love, and lives to change. Do you know how I KNOW this? Because Jesus showed me the way He lived his life and how He loves me.